Well, I don’t need to tell you what a shitshow 2020 has been up to this point. I was actually coping reasonably well — as these things go, anyway — until about two weeks ago, when a combination of having our first social visit since March (all windows open, air purifiers on, masks on, sitting far away from one another), intensity at work, and the election ramp up pushed me over the edge.
In 2016, I did not cope well. The night of the election, I went into a three-week dissociative state that I could only break via intense avoidance of any kind of news or stress and lots and lots and LOTS of physical grounding. Oh, and I got a therapist, because that wasn’t okay.
I did a lot of good work with that therapist, only she moved out of state before we were done, and all of my attempts to find someone else backfired. So I’m not as grounded as I’d like to be.
I’ve been listening to a podcast called The Feminist Survival Project 2020 by Emily and Amelia Nagoski all about how we can complete the stress cycle and essentially take care of ourselves and our burnout not through checking out, but through attending to the stress in our bodies, regardless of whether it’s still happening out there. (Hint: it will always be happening out there.)
And one of the strategies they talk about for completing the stress cycle is creative engagement. Essentially creating art and feeling your feelings while you do so.
Well, I actually finished NaNoWriMo last year. I was really proud of that. And here it is, October, so I’m going to spend November writing a shitty novel to process my feelings and also distract myself from all of the terrible I can’t fix. (Don’t worry — I voted. We donate regularly to all kinds of progressive causes and orgs. I just can’t, you know, protest.)
I’m crossing my fingers for next week, but it will be what it will be. I hope you’re doing whatever you need to do to be as centered and well as you can be right now.
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